Ruth

Beyond the subtle laughs and the innocent smiles lies a woman so pristine yet vicious, so prudent yet irrational. So so beautiful, with eyes to lust after and a neck, perfectly curved, it makes jewellery feel lucky to be on her. Hair, woolly and black, lips, not too thin, not too thick just enough to kiss sunlight into your body. Skin, Dark chocolate, it shows off beneath her see-through lingerie. Long legs and a well-toned body.

Ruth sat on the bed that morning waiting for the sun to shine through the curtains that she once ran to open wide to let the holy morning rays hit her bed. This time, she sat there pale, half dead, half something else, she could not figure out.

A man lay beside her, breathless, a man she vaguely loved but kissed him hard enough to convince him that she saw heaven in his eyes. Six months ago, she caught him staring at her friends bum. His stare was both thirsty and warm. It made her feel a lump in her throat, for the first time she basked in the sea of her jealousy. How can she feel like this for a man she barely cared for? she could not understand. She then decided to marry him a week later, a rushed wedding. He did not question her, he felt lucky that she finally wanted him as much as he nearly wanted her, he thought.

He mostly wanted to sink in her skin and swim in her goddess wonder. Feel her beauty inside him and then when he has had enough, if he ever will, he will move on. She on the other end, wanted the money that came with him, the big house, the clothes, anything that made her feel like she was living like the queen she thought herself to be. She also wanted to take his life, just to get everything else once she makes him write her name down on a couple of things. Trust me, he thought he had won a lottery, a woman this good loving hard on him?

That morning, she got what she wanted but did she? She had already started to fall for this sweetheart of a man. Her soul was sinking fast, she anticipated an inward celebration but she nursed feelings she could not understand. This man, slightly shorter than her, full bearded chubby man who occasionally worked out only when she asked. Once in a while followed a diet she gave and then sneaked out of bed to grab a burger late at night. He was a man who was not afraid to please as well as indulge, in anything. Little did he know that he was slowly dying, due to the countless Anabolic Steroids he consumed in his “healthy meals”. The man caught a heart attack and she watched him die. She watched him gasp for air, she watched him beg to be saved, with pain written all over his eyes, she looked at him and did nothing until he was stiff. She then took her phone and called the ambulance. She enjoyed it all but now she is sinking in a pool of self loath because that is who she has become. She expected to fake cry, fake scream but this melted her. She cried and screamed and cried some more, for days. For a man, she almost really loved, for herself. Every time she will spend a penny, she will be reminded of this or maybe not.

What a cold bed for such a goddess. Cold Everything.